Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Conference of the Birds.

All: Random bird noises over top one another.

Owl: Alright, order now I must insist!  Hmm... hoot, indeed.

Canary: Cheep.

Owl: Quiet you... myes.  Now, minutes from last meeting hmm eh wot?

Flamingo: Kay guys, minutes from last time... Cheep cheep, squack squack, hoot hoot, polly wanna cracker, pretty george pretty george, quack quack- what the hell?

Duck:  Baha!  You fools!  You never even noticed, it was I, with the fake moustache all along!  Secret duck spy, away! (Flies away with magical pixie dust trailing behind)

Owl: Subterfuge!  Unethical wot.  Fowl play if I do say so myself.  Hoot, yes.  Hmm.  Old business!  What say ye business of olde?

Robin:  The cats had their meeting in the gaaaahden.  I saw them.  They were being naughty.  They're all planning an attack of sorts.  The one cat was all, 'I want to eat them.' and the other one concurred!  Concurred even!

Gasps all around

Owl: Outrageous!  Flabberghasting, I would invoke! Any gander on what our side's found out?

Robin: Well sir, our top man's been pecking away at it.  Watching them.  He's a naughty bird.  Mr. dirty bird.  Mr. Dirty bird thinks the next location for their nefarious plans is behind unkle mongeral's fish market.

Penguin: Oh, I love that place, best sushi ever! have you ever had the spiced atlantic tuna? I tried it once and I was walking on air.  I mean I guess I don't technically know what that feels like but-

Owl: Enough! Of all the improper, indelicate, harumph, whoot, well then, all those in favour of putting together an ambush poop squad at unkle mongeral's, mmmyes,  after the meeting has been adjourned say tweet (series of collective hoots, tweets, and chirps) Hmm, so yes new business?  Business of newliness that has the shimmer of a glistening thing that shimmers glisteningly hm?

Canary: Yeah, I got some new business.  My wife left me for a cockatoo!

Owl: Indeed.

(Cockatoo looks around suspiciously, and attempts to leave, suspiciously)

Canary:  Hey buddy, I see ya!  Too scared to step it up, canary style?

Cockatoo:  I did her a favour man, she just picked the guy with the bigger plumes!

Canary:(Jewishly) I can't help it, it's molting season!

Cockatoo:  That's what she said.

Canary:  You're dead!  You're dead, that's it!
(They fight vigorously and exit)

Owl:  Hah, quite so.  Ah so... hmmm. Ah!  Right.  Hoot.  Furthermore, there will be a bread crumb luncheon with old lady Doris and Helen this weekend and... ah.  Mmm...  ah.

Robin:  Worms chirp!

Owl:  Yes quite so!  Oh ho ho, don't think I forgot now hoot. Thanks for chirping in though, verily!  The early bird special will be worms.

Multiple robins in falcetto unison:  Righteous!

Budgie:  Now! I need to speak to you all about the birds and the bees... tennis and dinner next wednesday?  How is that for everyone?  And if things go well... who knows?  Hehehehehe, you know what I'm talking about.  Hah hah, sex!

Penguin:  Hah hah, awesome!

Robin: Not me, I'm going out with the gull of my dreams.

Seagull:  Teehee, oh you stop it!

(Collective groans)

Owl: Terrible, simply terrible.  My... what a hoot!

Hummingbird:  There's lawsuits causing a flap up in here!  Exercise caution!  Sam!  You in particular have been ruffling many a feather.  What do you think we should do about this situation?

Sam: Just follow your nose!

Hummingbird: See?!  That's exactly what I'm talking about!  Stop rattling cages! Stop it!

Owl:  Any final thoughts?  Queries?  Quarries?  Qwertys?  Come now.  We must finish this off with a literary bang, I do persist, in modicum, hoot.  Aha!  Yes.  Hoot.

Sam:  How much man is a tucan sam if a tucan sam is you?

Owl:  Hoot!

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